I picked her up at the specified time
I was dressed to the nines
And she looked sublime
In a pink sequin dress just a bit too tight
And I was thinking this could be the night
At the restaurant
Things were in full bloom
She said she had to visit the ladies room
It may have been just a visit
But I guess along the way
She decided that she'd extend her stay
Did she ever come back?
No, she never came back
And the waiter was laughing as I payed the check
We were going to go to the discotheque
(Actually at that point
That whole discotheque idea was pretty much off)
On my way out though
I chanced to see
A girl at the bar
Making eyes at me
And I said to myself
"Self this could be good
We'll exchange smiles, phone numbers
And maybe even fluids"
So I bought her a drink
Then I bought her two more
And I asked her for her number
As she walked out the door
She said 555-5555
And I live at Number 5, Five Drive
Was it really her number?
No, it really was not
And a <sound of wrong number tone>
Is all I got
When I tried to call it later on
How'd the date end?
Sadly
How'd the date end?
Badly
It was not a love connection
No sir-ee
How'd the date end?
Terrible
How'd the date end?
Unbearable
But that's not all Chuck
As you will see
I stumbled around
Until I found another bar
Which is good because
I couldn't find my car
I ordered a Scotch
And I drank it down
And I did this several times
'Til I lost count
How'd the date end?
Terrible
How'd the date end?
Unbearable
It was the worst thing
That you ever saw
How'd the date end?
Horrible
How'd the date end?
Deplorable
And now I've got a headache
The size of Arkansas
So Chuck, I don't care
Who the audience picked
I'd rather be killed
With a big sharp stick
I'll stay on my own
It's my natural state
Whether or not I have a date